Round 12

Every football publication going round has done a half-year review of the league. Now I've never been fashionable (shock horror) as the fleecy trackpants in my bag will attest, so instead of doing a review of the clubs I'll give you the highlights of my previews.

Actually, the only highlight would have been my round 10 prediction of Brett Heady's delisting. He retired, but that's a mere detail.

Enough! On with this round!

Collingwood. They're now going to be wearing Versace suits. Very tres chic. I reckon they should turn up for matches wearing a Bluey, acid wash jeans and carrying their gear in a gladstone bag. This week they visit Adelaide. I'd like to see Collingwood win this one, and maybe one more by the end of the season. We don't want to see the Woods getting draft concessions now do we? As for Adelaide - they're third from bottom, need I say any more?

At the MCG tonight Richmond take on the Pussycats under lights. Can Geelong make it seven losses in a row? Will Richmond show any intestinal fortitude? (Don't ask me - I'm nearly last on the footy tipping!) But I'll be there with a tin of cat food, cheering on the Tigers.

Hawthorn and St Kilda clash in the last Meeting Of The Tenants at Waverley Park. Ever. Only one ground stands in the way of complete AFL domination of football grounds...we don't mention the AFL down Parkville way, it just upsets people.

Doggies vs Dockers at Carlton's Home Ground on Saturday. The Doggies have named a child actor on the bench. Fair dinkum, they have. Apparently this very handsome young man (see p119 of the Herald Sun for the damning evidence) was in an ad with Max Walker. I wouldn't know, we didn't have TV in Tasmania in the 80s. Actually we did, and I briefly starred on the school quiz show, Quiz Quest. But that's another story.

Tomorrow night the Lions host Essendon in Beautiful-One-Day-Perfect-The-Next Queensland. David Calthorpe is the fattest man in the AFL, why on earth did Essendon let him go?

West Coast play Port Adelaide on Sunday. Why in the name of sanity are they televising this match? Channel Seven would be better off showing an Elvis movie. Or a double-episode of The Waltons. Or a Ma and Pa Kettle movie. When I was a wee tacker and had nothing to do in the summer holidays (not many cars to chase in country Tasmania) what would be on telly? Ma and Pa Kettle on the commercial tv station, and the Rural Report or Masters Of Chess on the ABC. There were only two tv channels in Tassie. But my little brother preferred it when we didn't watch tv, cause it meant he didn't have to run as fast on the treadmill attached to the generator out the back. You should've seen him go when mum was cooking tea, it certainly kept him fit.

Melbourne and the Kangaroos play on Sunday at the MCG. Nurse, get my pills.

Carlton host the Bloods at Optus Oval on Sunday. I'll be there going spare, as usual. Carlton were pathetic for three quarters last week, but they haven't lost to Sydney at home for a few years. Fullback of the Century SOS will possibly get the job on Tony Yeah Yeah Lockett. Last year in the corresponding fixture he kept the big man goalless. SOS has been struggling for form the last couple of weeks, and Tony's been going ok. Could this battle decide the match?