Round 13

Does anyone else remember that move with John Cusack in it? Bit of a legendary teen film from the mid-eighties, along with any John Hughes film (Some Kind Of Wonderful, Pretty In Pink, Sixteen Candles...) Well, there's no sign of Molly Ringwald or Emilio Estevez down at Victoria Park, but they could do worse!

The second-worst thing a coach can do is announce that he is stepping down at the end of the season. (The worst thing a coach can do is accept a job at Collingwood.) Remember 1995 when Robert Walls said he was quitting the Bears, who promptly won every remaining game of the season and made the finals?

Let's get on with the Round 13 preview, then. Last week I was told I was a little "introspective and self obsessed". This week I will Make An Effort not to go on at length about my glorious television career.

The first game of the round takes place at the MCG tonight. Essendon appealed against Rioli's suspension, and actually won the appeal. Is there no justice? I still remember what that dud Denham did to Greg Williams to get him suspended for NINE WEEKS. If I saw Sean Denham in the street I'd kick him in the shins. If only we had a proper appeals system then. If, if, if...alas we can't change what happened, and how the curtain was brought down on such a glorious career. (not a word out of you, Wijayasiri!) Back to the game, the Doggies have been travelling along ok, unbeaten in the last five rounds. Essendon's last loss was against St Kilda in round 8. Pretty-boy Daniel Southern is named at centre-half-back for the Dawgs. Rumour has it he had a wash during the week.

Tomorrow West Coast's massive travelling support venture down to the seaside village of Geelong. They're not having a crisis at Geelong, but I watched them last weekend and they were atrocious. My tip - all the Geelong grandmothers will fall asleep in the second half, bored senseless by the play of the Weagles. Pack a thermos and the Scrabble, it's going to be a long afternoon down at Petrol Park.

St Kilda host Collingwood at Waverley tomorrow. Tim Watson probably went loopy after last weekend's snatching-defeat-from-the-jaws-of-victory effort. Collingwood almost knocked off those pretenders from Adelaide last week, can they get over the line this week?

Hawthorn play at Moron Park tomorrow night. Hawthorn have shown a bit recently (I don't mean that in a rugby-league-expose-yourself-at-a-nightclub sense) and should do the biz against Port Adelaide. Port are third last, they're ripping into one of their all-time legends in Jack Cahill, they're a joke. Next thing Scott Hodges will be playing for them.

Kangas host the infuriatingly inconsistent Carlton at the MCG tomorrow night. I go a little greyer each week thanks to the Carlton half-forward line. Carey and Koutoufides will battle it out, Kouta will mention Wayne's lovely bald spot, no doubt. Peter Bell of the Kangaroos featured on the Footy Show last night. Eager little fellow, isn't he? John "Horse" Longmire is named as an emergency.

Not doing anything on Sunday? Settle down in front of the telly with your knitting and see Sydney play the Brisbane Lions. It'll be a ringa-ding-dinger. Then watch Freo and the Fighting Fury CLASH IN A BATTLE OF THE TITANS at Subiaco. Richmond should always name Funcke in the team so the commentators can call his name. Imagine it when he gets tackled - "Bonds gets Funcke!" Maybe not.

Melbourne and Adelaide will play in the delightful Melbourne sunshine on Sunday. Memo to all Melbourne supporters: rug up, get your trannie (I saw a heap down Acland Street) and pray Jamie Shanahan doesn't play on Darren Jarman. Adelaide have won one in a row, look out!