Preliminary Finals

Most Essendon home games are populated by 15-year-old girls who yell out "I LOVE YOU BLAKE/MATTY/JOE" for the entire match. So what is the deal with these chicks, huh? I was unfortunate enough to be stuck in the row in front of a bunch of airheads who were more interested in the Essendon players' arses than in the formidable ball skills on display.

At your typical Carlton home game there are enough mobile phones there to microwave a frozen turkey, and enough gel to keep Jeff's hair in place for a decade.

So what's likely to happen this weekend? Well, hearts will be broken, dreams will be destroyed, throats will bleed, and the Duke of Wellington will do a roaring trade.

Tonight, in what should be an Absolute Cracker, North host the Lions. John Longmire has somehow made the team for North, and Brisbane have lost Scott and McRae thanks to a tribunal stacked with North supporters (about half of their entire membership, I believe).

I know that the North supporters here at Photomation are already getting themselves pumped for tonight - that's got to be Good For Football.

Now, the Bombers will have no excuses, nowhere to hide, and will generally be Bagged Senseless should they allow Carlton to win tomorrow. Let's face it, Carlton shouldn't have a chance (but I'm taking my camping gear along just in case). Carlton have lost Hickmott to injury, Christou replaces him in the line-up. Essendon are unchanged. John Elliot will be in charge of half-time drinks for the players. The teams are pumped up, the fans are going ballistic, and it's a sellout - Tomorrow Is Going To Be Huge. I've got my superstitious clothes organised, I'm READY TO GO OFF!

It doesn't take much to work me into a Footy Frenzy. Last night I was running round the house yelling out "CARNA BLUES!" for no apparent reason (it's the wind - sends me nutty as a wheel). My neighbours think I'm a loon. But there's no questioning my commitment, my application, my desire, and my hunger for the leather.

So get those tips in - this week will make or break the Jackpot Aspirations of many of our punters, so consider your tips carefully! Tipping closes at 6:30pm.